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Dear Readers:

I recently was on assignment in Los Angeles, California. What follows is a record of that trip.

Flew into LAX in Grand style. Admittedly, I traveled coach, but I did manage to throw my weight around with the flight attendant, and thus was showered (some might say pelted) by many extra snack packets. Also, pulled some strings (cryptically alluded to a "spastic colon") and snagged an aisle seat quite close to the lavatories. Good thing too - all those honey-roasted peanuts made me gassy.

Did not have to wait long to spot celebrity #1. Who should I spy manning the Cinnabon stand in the LAX terminal? A trim and tan Tina Yothers! These hollywood celebs can be quite skittish, but I was able to get a clear shot by standing well upwind and pretending to get a picture of the baggage carousel.

Now, Los Angeles is a "driving town." You really need a car to get around and everyone is judged by the car they drive, so I chose my rental carefully. Decided to splurge and get a mid-size sedan. The Chevy Malibu. So West Coast. A California classic, really, but with ultramodern touches like an in-dash clock and "cruise suggest" (a neat invention where the onboard computer implores the vehicle to drive at a certain speed of your choosing - but by no means requires it to do so.)

I met this publication's LA correspondent, Karman, at the House of Pies in Los Feliz. Together we shared a cherry cobbler and mapped a strategy for the weekend. Our agreed objective was to get as many celebrity photos as possible. Karman suggested we go, that evening, to SKYBAR a well known watering hole in West Hollywood. I scoffed.

"Karman, I think we can do better." My confidential sources had already warned me that SKYBAR was "so 1997."

"If you want to see the celebs, you've got to think like a celeb." So it was off to California Pizza Kitchen in Torrance. My hunch was spot on. Who should we spy there? Just Hollywood's hottest power couple --- Danny Pintauro & Tony Danza. These two lovebirds really know how to party. Karman got a little carried away and pretended to be an ICM agent. She pitched them a story about the star-crossed poet lovers, Paul Verlaine and Arthur Rimbaud. Danny (she's pretty and all -- but none too bright) was enchanted with the story. And Tony thought it would make an excellent Movie of the Week.

Mistakenly assuming we could help their careers, Danny and Tony sucked up by inviting us to an A-list soiree the next evening at the home of the Corey's-- Haim and Feldman. Now, contrary to popular rumors, these guys are just good friends and roomates. They had a brief fling years ago on the set of License to Drive, but it didn't amount to much. Now they share a bungalow in Brentwood. Their place is fabulous, and on arriving at their door, Karman and I were agog at all the celebrity flesh on display. Haim was "holding court" as he likes to do, so we gravitated towards the kitchen where Feldman was going over his lines from the upcoming Miramax release, Lost Boys 2.

Feldman is really proud of this project -- a sequel to the hugely popular teen vampire flick The Lost Boys. Its a comeback of sorts for both of them, and Feldman is determined to make a strong impression. Its in his contract that he gets to do all his own stunts. (For months now he's been practicing hanging from the rafters by his toes.)

Karman and I were disheartened to see that neither Haim nor Feldman had kicked their heroin addiction. You heard it here first but perennial party girl Carol Channing arrived around midnight with syringe, rubber tourniquet and the proverbial "white horse." Most of the party guests wound up in a stupor in the breakfast nook.

Dawn approached, and as Tony Orlando was likely to follow, Karman and I took our leave. I had a flight to catch and Karman had to rush our priceless film to the Quickee-Print for processing.

That's the news from Hollywood. You heard it here first. Off the record............ on the QT and very............ Hush-Hush.